


aMERICA EXPLAIN -

by teacupfulofbrains



Series: lamp college!verse [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: A little angst, M/M, Multi, american chemistry/secondary ed major logan, and his twin sons remy and emile, but not a lot, canadian psychology major roman, ft. guest appearances by dr. thomas sanders!, he's also an ra, its a chatfic ladies and gentlemen, logan is adopted, mostly fluff!!!!, mostly softness bc i am weak for my boys, scottish ot major patton, southern speech major virgil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-02 10:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18809425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teacupfulofbrains/pseuds/teacupfulofbrains
Summary: the intertwined lives of four college students, as told by a series of groupchats, text messages, and emails.also memes. so many memes. far too many memes, most of them incorrect. oh well.(OR: a meme-filled groupchat!fic set in the college!au verse because i'm weak for my boys)





	1. logan, that's not how memes work, wtf

**Author's Note:**

> this is probably gonna update sporadically bc there's not really a set timeline! it's gonna be chronological but mostly it's just a fun place to throw ideas that i don't have the energy to make full-on oneshots y'know? rated t bc virgil has a potty mouth 
> 
> username clarifications:  
> "PRINCE ROMAN <3" is roman  
> "Pocket Protector" is logan  
> "pattoncake" is patton  
> "p!ateverywhere" is virgil
> 
> CW for the first chapter: mentions of anxiety/grade-related anxiety/sadness at the end, but mostly just fluff!

**GROUP CHAT NAME: polyFAMorous <3<3**

 

 **p!ateverywhere:** i love my major

 **p!ateverywhere:** i rlly rlly do

 **p!ateverywhere:** but i sWEAR TO GOD

 **pattoncake:** dont swear!!!

 **p!ateverywhere:** I AM THE ONLY BOY IN THE FUCKING ROOM

 **p!ateverywhere:** AND TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY ALL THE GIRLS FLIRT WITH ME

 **p!ateverywhere:** if there wasn’t a rule against having unnatural hair colors i would dye mine rainbow and MAYBE THEN they wouldn’t try to jump my ass every time we get a break to talk

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **LOL perks of being a psychology major #33435: no one gives a fuck what colour ur hair is

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **also if ur hair is cool enough dr. sanders’s twins will ask u if ur a fairy and u get the joy of telling them YES

 **p!ateverywhere:** why do you get such joy out of lying to the children roman

 **PRINCE ROMAN:** I AM ENHANCING THEIR IMAGINATIONS, VIRGIL

 **p!ateverywhere:** you’re LYING

 **p!ateverywhere:** to CHILDREN

 **p!ateverywhere:** they trusted you roman smh

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **FUCK YOU, VIRGIL

 **p!ateverywhere:** meet me in a denny’s parking lot at 2 am, bitch

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, B I T C H

 **pattoncake:** hey! be nice, u 2!!! roman, u owe $1 to the swear jar, and vee u owe $2 to the fight jar!!

 **pattoncake:** actually ro u also owe $2 to the fight jar!

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **patton, darling, love of my life, dearest one, angel

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **WE ARE BROKE COLLEGE STUDENTS YOU’RE GOING TO BLEED US DRY

 **pattoncake:** we put this in the room contract when we moved in 2gether and u signed it with full knowledge, ro

 **pattoncake:** _attachment: 1 image_

 **pattoncake:** pay up

 **p!ateverywhere:** yeah, bitch, pay up

 **pattoncake:** vee, u owe another 50 cents now

 **p!ateverywhere:** i know, pat, i just couldn’t resist the opportunity to make fun of roman

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **see if i buy you dunkin tomorrow then

 **p!ateverywhere:** no wait i love u

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **OH HOW THE TURNTABLES

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **btw pat are you working @ chickfila tonight?

 **pattoncake:** yep! supposed 2 b register but they might make me work fryer depending on if the new employee is there 2nite

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **GASP

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **PAT

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **IF YOU’RE ON FRYERS TONIGHT CAN YOU PLEASE BRING ME THE CHICKEN CRISPIES

 **Pocket Protector:** Why is the first thing I open this chat to Roman screaming about “chicken crispies”?

 **Pocket Protector:** Also, what is a “chicken crispy”?

 **p!ateverywhere:** okay well first off idk what you expected from us, lo

 **Pocket Protector:** Ah. I suppose rational thought is too much to ask for, then?

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **R U D E

 **p!ateverywhere:** you’re right but you shouldn’t say it

 **p!ateverywhere:** and to answer the 2nd point, sometimes when they fry up the nuggnuggs at cfa little bits of breading and stuff fall off the nuggs and they become little crispy bits of fried breading

 **Pocket Protector:** Why in the world would anyone prefer crumbs of fried breading to an actual chicken nugget?

 **p!ateverywhere:** hey man fuck if i know

 **pattoncake:** $2 in the swear jar, vee

 **pattoncake:** also ro!!! ill see what i can do abt the crispies!!! : D

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **LIGHT OF MY LIFE THANK YOU, YOU ARE MY FAVORITE BOYFRIEND NOW AND FOREVER

 **p!ateverywhere:** yeah yeah ik pat also roman rUDE but ANYWAY

 **p!ateverywhere:** lo i have a theory about the crispies

 **Pocket Protector:** Go on, Virgil. I must admit that I find myself fascinated.

 **p!ateverywhere:** ok so ik im in the process of increasing your meme literacy and that despite my enormous reservoir of meme knowledge there are some that escape even me

 **p!ateverywhere:** but PLS tell me that i have gone over “let’s get this bread” with you

 **Pocket Protector:** I do, in fact, remember this. I have a vocabulary card to that effect.

 **p!ateverywhere:** okay good

 **p!ateverywhere:** so the theory is

 **p!ateverywhere:** if the crispies are mostly just breading with no chicken, then it’s just bread

 **p!ateverywhere:** so the reason ppl like them so much is that it’s a rlly easy way for them to get this bread

 **p!ateverywhere:** or, my preferred version of the meme, to yeet this wheat

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3:** . . .

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **virgil, what the FUCK is going on in your head

 **p!ateverywhere:** why, darlin’, i do declare i haven’t the FOGGIEST what you mean~!

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **why are you like this

 **p!ateverywhere:** bc one of us has to be a living meme, and you know damn well that no one else will do it

 **pattoncake:** roman, you and vee both owe another 50 cents to the swear jar!!!

 **p!ateverywhere:** hey pat quick question

 **pattoncake:** yes?

 **p!ateverywhere:** so i understand the concept of the swear jar

 **p!ateverywhere:** and the fight jar

 **p!ateverywhere:** but what exactly is the money going to b used for, exactly?

 **pattoncake:** im honestly surprised that no 1 asked b4 now!

 **Pocket Protector:** Patton, must you use that infernal chatspeak? It takes twice as long to decipher your messages.

 **pattoncake:** it’s fun, lo!!!

 **pattoncake:** but anyway, half the funds from the jars is gonna go 2 charity! i think buying groceries for the local food bank, but idk yet!

 **p!ateverywhere:** only you would do that, pat, that’s why we love you

 **pattoncake:** : OOOOOOO

 **pattoncake:** AWWWWWW VIRGIL!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!! : D : D : D : D <3<3<3<3

 **p!ateverywhere:** oh, god, what have i done

 **p!ateverywhere:** pat? the rest of the money?

 **pattoncake:** oh yeah!!!

 **pattoncake:** thats a secret ; )

 **p!ateverywhere:** hhhhh well i trust u i guess

 **p!ateverywhere:** you’re probably the only person in this chat who isn’t planning world domination, myself included

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **HEY WHAT THE HELL VIRGIL

 **pattoncake:** swear jar!!! >: (

 **Pocket Protector:** I have a meme for this. One moment.

 **Pocket Protector:** You are correct, but you should not voice your theories.

 **p!ateverywhere:** did u mean: “you’re right but you shouldn’t say it”?

 **Pocket Protector:** Ah. Yes, that.

 **p!ateverywhere:** i am the only force standing btwn this world and logan’s horrendous meme misquotation, and i take this duty v seriously

 **p!ateverywhere:** y’all where TF is everybody

 **pattoncake:** clocking in rn, see u 2nite vee!

 **pattoncake:** also, swear jar

 **p!ateverywhere:** yeah yeah okay b safe see you later

 **p!ateverywhere:** ro? lo?

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **i have a class in ten minutes, my love, but i will be home tonight!

 **p!ateverywhere:** ew have fun

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **thank you i will not

 **p!ateverywhere:** lo?

 **Pocket Protector:** I will be returning to the dorms in approximately four minutes. Why?

 **p!ateverywhere:** cool

 **p!ateverywhere:** coolcoolcoolcool

 **Pocket Protector:** Virgil?

 **p!ateverywhere:** yeah i’m in the little couch in our suite and i rlly kind of need you to come home?

 **Pocket Protector:** Virgil, I am beginning to grow distressed. Are you quite certain that you are alright?   
**p!ateverywhere:** yeah i just

 **p!ateverywhere:** i got a text from cat

 **p!ateverywhere:** the one slp i can fuckin stand these days

 **p!ateverywhere:** you know the one who wears the bi pride necklace and helps me study

 **p!ateverywhere:** we had a test in audiology that everyone felt rlly bad about and the grades just went up and i’m scared to look i need cuddles

 **Pocket Protector:** I will speed up and be home within two minutes. I am confident in your abilities, Virgil. I love you.

 **p!ateverywhere:** ily2 lo <3

 **Pocket Protector:** <3<3<3

 

 **_Pocket Protector_ ** _added_ **_pattoncake_ ** _and_ **_PRINCE ROMAN <3 _ ** _to a chat!_

 

 **Pocket Protector:** Patton, Roman, I would like to give you a quick heads-up about Virgil.

 **pattoncake:** is everything ok, lo?

 **Pocket Protector:** I thought you were at work?

 **pattoncake:** long shift 2day, i got a dinner break, whats wrong w vee?

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **class is on 10 min break, what’s up?

 ** _PRINCE ROMAN <3_** _has renamed the chat_ ** _VIRGIL PROTECTION SQUAD_**

 **Pocket Protector:** Virgil and I checked his grade together when I arrived home. He received a 90%.

 **pattoncake:** thats good, right? 90 is an a- isnt it?

 **Pocket Protector:** You are correct. However, this is a substantially lower grade than Virgil usually receives on such exams, and he is understandably distraught.

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **: ((((

 **Pocket Protector:** Additionally, it appears from his professor’s email that the exam was curved by eight points.

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **. . .

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **so that means his actual grade was an 82?

 **Pocket Protector:** Indeed. He is quite distressed about this fact. He locked himself in the bedroom and screamed into a pillow for five minutes, then put on Patton’s sweatpants and Roman’s sweatshirt and took his medication. We put on The Great British Bake-Off to calm his nerves, and he is currently dozing against my arm.

 **pattoncake:** oh noooooooo!!

 **pattoncake:** i promise 2 try and peace out of work asap 2nite!

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **i know i threatened not to, but i’ll stop by dunkin on my way home and get the hot chocolate that he likes

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **i propose we spend tonight in a cuddle puddle pampering our dark prince. opinions?

 **pattoncake:** OOOOOH yes we havent done that in 2 long

 **Pocket Protector:** This seems to be an adequate course of action. I look forward to it.

 **pattoncake:** back to work! give vee a smooch 4 me!

 **PRINCE ROMAN <3: **i, too, must go to class! give our dark prince love for me!

 **Pocket Protector:** I shall. I love you both.

  
  



	2. everyone is soft and roman stans one (1) eight year old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: mild fighting (more of an argument), cursing, mentions of the anxiety from last chapter  
> pls forgive my attempts at scottish in patton's texts i'm doing my best with what google can tell me i'm sorry if i messed up  
> ALSO THIS CHAP IS DEDICATED TO BLINK (@blinksinbewilderment on tumblr) FOR INSPIRING THE LOGINCE ARGUMENT AND ALSO BECAUSE I LOVE THEM

**FROM: pattoncake**

**TO: p!ateverywhere**

 

**pattoncake:** viiiiiiiirgiiiiiiiiil where r u???? i thought ur 1st class was @ 9:30 2day its only 8:15? 

**pattoncake:** theres no dirty dishes or anything did u eat breakfast???

**pattoncake:** virgil ur scarin me r u ok mo chridhe 

**p!ateverywhere:** hey pat, sorry, i was on the shuttle and the service is rlly spotty

**p!ateverywhere:** i’m okay, honey, i promise, i’m just

**p!ateverywhere:** i wanted to get in some extra studying before class this morning, so i left early 

**pattoncake:** is this about the test? 

**p!ateverywhere:** and what if it is

**pattoncake:** u cannae beat urself up about this, m’eudail 

**p!ateverywhere:** and yet somehow i will

**p!ateverywhere:** i’m okay, pat, i promise. I’m gonna get coffee from the little cafe here and maybe a bagel if i get hungry 

**p!ateverywhere:** wait a minute why are YOU awake

**p!ateverywhere:** you don’t have class until noon

**pattoncake:** woke up and u were gone from cuddle puddle, ye cannae blame me 4 worryin

**p!ateverywhere:** i love that the sleepier you are the more scottish your texting gets 

**p!ateverywhere:** i promise i’ll try and come home right after my class okay

**pattoncake:** good 

**pattoncake:** i wanna bosie more, mo leannan

**p!ateverywhere:** love you, pat

**pattoncake:** yer plenty canny, virgil, its gonna be ok 

**pattoncake:** love you too a sheòid <3<3 

 

**GROUP CHAT NAME: polyFAMorous <3**

 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** Y’ALL WILL NOT B E L I E V E

**Pocket Protector:** Roman, are you alright? You appear to be distressed.

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** ARE YOU KIDDING

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** HANG ON I’LL FORWARD YOU THE EMAIL

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** I’M C R Y I N G

*~*~*~*~* 

 

**FWD:** mackenziep, davenportl, pluviav1

**FROM:** tsanders1

**TO:** castillor

**SUBJECT:** RE: Paper 1 Question 

 

Hi Roman, 

I think the topic you’ve selected for your paper is fine. However, I would suggest revising this 

 

HI MR. FAIRY PRINCE SIR ITS EMILE PAPA HAD TO GO BECAUSE REMY FELL ON THE STAIRS BUT I WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I REALLY REALLY LIKE YOUR HAIR ITS THE COLOR OF FIRE ENGINGES I LIKE FIRE ENGINES ALSO ALSO I WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WOULD EVER MAKE YOUR HAIR PINK BECAUSE SOMEONE SAID PINK ISNT A BOY COLOR BUT YOURE A BOY AND YOU HAVE COLORS ALL OVER SO CAN YOU DO PINK HAIR PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE IT WOULD BE SO COOL AND FAIRIES CAN HAVE WHATEVER COLOR THEY WANT TO SO PLEASE WOULD YOU DO PINK ITS MY FAVORITE THANK YOU I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY DOING WHATEVER FAIRIES DO WHEN THEY ARENT IN PAPAS CLASS OKAY BYE FROM EMILE

 

*~*~*~*~*

**GROUP CHAT NAME: polyFAMorous <3**

 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE’S SO CUTE

**Pocket Protector:** Refresh my memory - who is Emile? 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** okay so dr. sanders is the chair of the psychology department and also my advisor and also one of my profs this semester 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** he has twin sons, emile and remy, and they tend to be in his lectures a lot bc he’s a single parent 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** so they hang out in the back with coloring books and goldfish and capri suns 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** they think i’m a fairy bc of my hair and they share goldfish with me sometimes 

**Pocket Protector:** Ah, I see. Thank you for the clarification, Roman.    
**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** BUT ANYWAY emile is such a sweetheart i love him so much i mean he did spell colour wrong but he’s 8 that can be forgiven 

**Pocket Protector:** Roman, Emile did not spell color incorrectly. He spelled it the American way, which is perfectly acceptable. 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** logan

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** you wound me so

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** how could you betray me like this? 

**Pocket Protector:** I am confused, Roman. Please elaborate?

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** YOU SIDE WITH THE AMERICANS IN THE GREAT SPELLING WAR 

**Pocket Protector:** . . . 

**Pocket Protector:** Roman, I am not sure if you are aware of this, but I am an American. That is how I have grown up spelling the word color. 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** AND YOU PEOPLE HAVE THE NERVE TO LECTURE M E ABOUT MISLEADING THE YOUTH?!

**pattoncake:** i think every1 needs some calm down time rn

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** NOT UNTIL THAT HEATHEN ADMITS THAT I’M SPELLING IT RIGHT

**Pocket Protector:** Roman, you are being facetious. Both spellings are equally valid. 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** PATTON YOU’RE EUROPEAN BACK ME UP HERE 

**pattoncake:** i spell it colour but i dont think lo is wrong either i dont wanna fight pls guys 

**pattoncake:** : ( 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** you’re dead to me patton i’m sorry

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** i have to win this war 

**Pocket Protector:** This is not a war, Roman. This is simply a linguistic disagreement. 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** this is a WAR, motherfucker, and i am here to KICK YOUR ASS 

**pattoncake:** one dollar 2 the swear jar, roman!!!

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** you spell it. with a u. logan. 

**Pocket Protector:** It does not matter which way you spell it, Roman. 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** if it doesn’t matter than admit i’m right

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** coward 

**Pocket Protector:** I will not, because you are wrong. 

**PRINCE ROMAN:** LOGAN E L I Z A B E T H DAVENPORT HOW D A R E YOU 

**Pocket Protector:** That is not my middle name. 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** YOU ARE DEAD TO ME

**Pocket Protector:** Roman, be reasonable. 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** DEAD

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** TO

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** ME

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** LOGAN

**Pocket Protector:** I do not engage with tantrum throwers of any sort. 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** SHUT THE HELL YOUR FUCK

**pattoncake:** guys!!! pls!!! ro, another dollar 2 the jar!!!

**pattoncake:** dont fite, u love each other!!!

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** I’M SORRY PATTON 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** I CANNOT LOVE A MAN LIKE THAT

**Pocket Protector:** Roman, you are incorrigible. 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** I MAY NOT KNOW BIG WORDS

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** BUT I KNOW A B I T C H WHEN I SEE ONE

**Pocket Protector:** I think that is a meme, but I do not know which one. 

**PRINCE ROMAN <3: ** patton i’ll pay the fucking swear jar three dollars when i come home

**pattoncake:** guys pls 

**pattoncake:** ye cannae fight each other! 

**pattoncake:** i ken ye love each other, please!

**pattoncake:** guys? 

 

**GROUP CHAT NAME: polyFAMorous <3 **

 

**p!ateverywhere:** what the FUCK you guys

**p!ateverywhere:** and yeah pat swear jar ik but like

**p!ateverywhere:** i walk out of class to find SIXTY TWO messages in this chat

**p!ateverywhere:** and ro and lo aren’t talkin anymore? 

**pattoncake:** VIRGIL

**pattoncake:** THANK THE STARS, A SHEÒID

**pattoncake:** theyre sitting in the living room on opposite ends of the couch not speaking pls help

**p!ateverywhere:** alright listen up dumbasses 

**pattoncake:** $1 

**p!ateverywhere:** y’all ain’t speech language majors, i am, so i’m gonna end this stupid debate once an’ for all 

**p!ateverywhere:** y’all have linguistic differences cause ‘a where you’re from

**p!ateverywhere:** it’s like how i drop the “g” sound off my “ing” words

**p!ateverywhere:** or how pat uses scottish terms of endearment and stuff 

**p!ateverywhere:** YOU ARE BOTH RIGHT. YOU ARE JUST DIFFERENT. GET OVER YOURSELVES. 

**p!ateverywhere:** honestly i’ve dealt with CHILDREN better at talking than you two! 

**p!ateverywhere:** pat make sure they read that

**p!ateverywhere:** i’m gonna pick up dinner on my way home okay 

**p!ateverywhere:** love you all 

 

**FROM: pattoncake**

**TO: p!ateverywhere**

 

**pattoncake:** _ attachment: 1 image  _

**pattoncake:** i made them read ur messages 

**pattoncake:** they did and then i left to “use the bathroom”

**pattoncake:** i was rlly just hiding so theyd talk 

**pattoncake:** i came back n they were like this 

**p!ateverywhere:** lol mr. logan “what is physical touch get it away from me” davenport cuddling roman “i need attention every two milliseconds” castillo?

**p!ateverywhere:** theyre losers they pretend to be all high and mighty but they’re softer than cotton i stg

**p!ateverywhere:** im love them

**pattoncake:** i ken, i love em 2

**p!ateverywhere:** are we still on to watch the good place tonight?

**pattoncake:** YES! 

**pattoncake:** im super excite 4 it! we can bosie, right? 

**p!ateverywhere:** pat you’ll ruin my image 

**pattoncake:** plsssssssss

**pattoncake:** _ attachment: 1 image  _

**p!ateverywhere:** was the pic of the puppy dog eyes rlly necessary pat

**p!ateverywhere:** of course we can snuggle 

**pattoncake:** : DDDDDDDD ILY MO GHRÀDH

**p!ateverywhere:** yeah ily2 darlin 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translation of the scottish! 
> 
> mo chridhe: my heart  
> cannae: cannot  
> m'eudail: my darling/dear  
> bosie: cuddle  
> mo leannan: my lover/sweetheart  
> yer plenty canny: you're plenty smart  
> a sheòid: my hero/valiant warrior  
> i ken: i know  
> mo ghràdh: my love

**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me on tumblr!! // [@teacupfulofstarshine ](https://teacupfulofstarshine.tumblr.com)


End file.
